Family Folklore by Toren Wallengren

My father can play the bass so well that even the vibrating strings can't keep up with his fingers. He's all over the place on that thing. You can't follow his fingers. If you tried, you may just fall into cardiac arrest. Being this great, he's obviously in a band. His band has been getting a great following for years and now was their chance to break. Kalai, the band, was scheduled to be on the Jimmy Kimmel show.

Even though my dad is an amazing bass player, he's still cheap. We drove to Hollywood to go to his show. Let me tell you, that drive was so boring that even the road fell asleep. There was just nothing interesting on the drive. The only thing you could do was sleep or ask the classic question, "Are we there yet?" The whole way was desert. Lifeless, baron, desert. Even microbial life would be bored to tears there! When we finally reached Hollywood, it was like that drive never existed before.

We drove around everywhere! We covered every square foot of Hollywood. We left no corner unseen. Hollywood was ours for that night. If you've ever driven around Hollywood though, you would know how unusual it is. It's so strange that an alien invasion would probably be considered ordinary. If you go to the Chinese theater, you'll find character impersonators walking around. That's how I was able to meet Spongebob! Back on subject, the streets were lined with stars and literal stars on the ground. It was so amazing.

That night was my dad's television debut! He was so excited, that coffee was able to calm him down! I've never seen him like that before. He couldn't stop moving, shaking, or talking. We arrived at the studio and the funniest sign was there! The sign said, "Jimmy Kimmel has been canceled tonight. Sorry for the inconvenience." My dad was stumped. He couldn't figure it out. He sat, watching the sign for half an hour! The first words that came out of his mouth after that were "Let's take a picture with it." Now I was stumped! I couldn't figure out what was going on in his head!

We drove home the next day. My dad didn't say a word for the whole 9 hour drive. In fact, no one said a word. Now our car was as baron and lifeless as the desert. Every time someone tried to start a conversation, no one said anything! So when we finally got home, I sat down. My eyes were as black as night from exhaust! Out of nowhere, my dad walks in and bursts into bright laughter! To the point where he was crying! At first, we didn't no why. But then we joined along laughing with him because his laughing was so funny. We came to a realization why he was laughing! We just went all the way to California for a show that ended up being canceled. We could have checked online before we even went there to check to see if the show was still a go. That was our whole family "blond moment."